Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...
On a broomstick.
We're flexible like that.
Q: What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?
A: A taxi.
Vote:
After watching the grades of his child, the angry father said, "After seeing your grades, I feel like teaching a lesson or two and want to give a tight slap."
The child excitedly says, "Yes dad, lets go, I know the addresses of all my teachers, we must teach them a lesson."
What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1".
I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?'
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officer
Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
At museums Chuck Norris is allowed to touch the art.
Vote:
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.