Knock, knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it's kangaroo!
Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here! Cop: Okay, calm down. Where are you? Blonde: The cemetery! Cop: *facepalm*
Chuck Norris can set magnifying glasses on fire...using ants.
Wife: "Honey let's play a game?" Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?" Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month." Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?" Wife: (smile) "Yes darling." Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction) Wife: "Are u ready?" Husband: "Yes, ready." Wife: "Turkey" It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you loose your car keys, click on find. "Help" with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
Chuck Norris once went to practice his golf swing at a driving range... his golf balls are now known as stars!
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.