Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
Bill Gates dies and goes to God.
God says to him:
Because you invented the screen saver I give you the possibility to go wherever you want.
God shoes Bill that in hell there are lots of naked chicks and beaches.
So he chooses hell.
After a while God returns and asks him if he like’s it there.
Bill says:
No! Where are all the chicks you just showed me?
Oh that! That was just a screen saver.
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture.
And Won.
Vote:
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Chuck Norris beat a laser beam in a race.
Vote:
Q: Whats the difference between a black person and an apple?
A: The apple falls from the tree.
Vote:
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.