My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer.
I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.
"You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.
Yo mama so fat, her kids come out of her all at once.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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Contains nuts.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?"
The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?"
The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."