Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
Rome wasn't built in a day because they didn't ask Chuck Norris for help.
Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
"Life is like a box of chocolates." Not all the black ones can be trusted.
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.