On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
Just found out that my Asian friend died last week... So Yung.
Q: What did the cow say to the other cow? A: Moo.
On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked. "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."