A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.
"You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Yo mama so fat, her kids come out of her all at once.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
Vote:
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Vote:
On a pair of boxers:
Caution!
Contains nuts.
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
Vote:
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Vote:
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
Vote:
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"