Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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Yo mama so fat, her kids come out of her all at once.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
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On a pair of boxers:
Caution!
Contains nuts.
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Rome wasn't built in a day because they didn't ask Chuck Norris for help.
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