Best jokes ever

Sheniqua was excited about her upcoming birthday. She told her mother that uncle Leroy was going to take her to Florida for her birthday. Her mother asked Leroy if this was true. Leroy said "No. I told her when she turned seventeen I was goin to tampa with her."

Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The Great Pyramids.

Dear Maths, Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.

What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.

Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.

Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.

When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.

What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!

Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”