Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris once won a Poker tournament using only Pokemon cards.
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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has 60.63 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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has 60.63 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The Great Pyramids.
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has 60.60 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Dear Maths, Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.
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has 60.60 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: math
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
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has 60.60 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: animal
When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
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has 60.57 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, stupid
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 60.57 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
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