A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
Sheniqua was excited about her upcoming birthday. She told her mother that uncle Leroy was going to take her to Florida for her birthday. Her mother asked Leroy if this was true. Leroy said "No. I told her when she turned seventeen I was goin to tampa with her."
Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The Great Pyramids.
Dear Maths, Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."