Would you like to hear a construction joke? [Yes] Well I'm still working on it.
Q: What happens when four mexican guys are standing in quick sand? A: Quatro Sinko.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
Yo mama so ugly she made santa say ho ho ho.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."