"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?"
The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?"
The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac!
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Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Rome wasn't built in a day because they didn't ask Chuck Norris for help.
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Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sperm whale.
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.