A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?"
The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?"
The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Rome wasn't built in a day because they didn't ask Chuck Norris for help.
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Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Chuck Norris can power solar panels.
At Night.
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Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
Chuck Norris can hammer a wall into a nail.
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Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sperm whale.