Best jokes ever

Mom! I'm a 3D printer! Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
Vote:
has 60.28 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, kids, technology
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Vote:
has 60.26 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, lesbian
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Vote:
has 60.26 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
Vote:
has 60.24 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote:
has 60.22 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards
Vote:
has 60.22 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: racist
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop your pants." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, "Drop your pants." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
Vote:
has 60.21 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, disgusting
Q: What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? A: Phil Ming
Vote:
has 60.20 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: asian
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarrhea so he thought he was melting
Vote:
has 60.20 % from 312 votes. More jokes about: black people
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Vote:
has 60.18 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work
<<<626627628629
More jokes →
Page 626 of 1427.