On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
Chuck Norris is the reason Pluto is no longer a planet.
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Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Q: Wanna know the biggest lie my dad ever told me?
A: I'll be back.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?"
Me: "Mom."
Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
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Yo mama is so stupid that she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had.