Best jokes ever

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: time, wife, women
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional.” The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids.” They then asked the woman, “What are you?” She replied: “I’m a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: women
Chuck Norris can power solar panels. At Night.
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, Valentines day
When Chuck Norris went to the beach, he gave the ocean a bath.
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
Chuck Norris only created Russians so he can use them to take over TGI Fridays.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Redbull doesn't give you wings. Lat pulldowns do.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Christmas, life, music
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