Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
Yo' Mama is so dumb, she got fired from a blow job.
Why are cows made for dancing? They re all born hoofers.
Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!