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When Chuck Norris was a kid he saw a fat chick, he roundhouse kicked her so hard she transformed. She is now known as Britney Spears.
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Chuck Norris Doesn't breakdance. He breaks dance
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What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
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Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
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Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
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Our body cells renew while asleep. If only our wallets could do the same.
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Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
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Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
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Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
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