Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
Vote:
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture.
And Won.
Vote:
Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
Vote:
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.