Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections? A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? A: Have an ice day!
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her. She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.
Chuck Norris is so hot he makes the sun sweat.
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.