Why is it called PMS? — Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
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All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
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They have traced the Gay Gene all the way back to the time of the Dinosaurs.
They found two distinct species.
They have named them Lickalotapus and Megasoreass.
Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
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