Best jokes ever

Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
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More jokes about: elf, food
Why did the boy mouse like the girl mouse? They just seemed to click.
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More jokes about: IT
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
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Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
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More jokes about: black humor
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ESC key on his computer, no one ever escapes.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, disgusting, morbid, music
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?" "No" her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes" the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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More jokes about: catholic, church, disgusting, kids
Yo Momma's so fat when she takes a bath she fills the tub then turns on the water.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
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More jokes about: beauty, dating, food, life