What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Chuck Norris can see all 50 states from his house.
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers. On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum... Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"... Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
Q: Whats the difference between a black person and an apple? A: The apple falls from the tree.
A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections? A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.