My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers. On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum... Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"... Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
Chuck Norris is the reason Pluto is no longer a planet.
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.