If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.
Chuck Norris Turns his grass emo so it will cut itself.
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist? A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."