Best jokes ever

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember. Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything. “Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?” she asked. “Sure,” he replied. “Do you think you should write that down to remember it?” she asked. “No, I can remember that,” he said. “I’d like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?” she said. “No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries,” he said, becoming a little irritated. “I’d like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down,” she said. “For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don’t need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream,” he said, now more than a little irritated. Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, “Where’s my toast?”
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: old people
Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk
Chuck Norris makes Power Point look weak.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer
You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mamas so fat she fits on both sides of the bed.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am. I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money
Yo Momma so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
2PAC once thought he was tougher than Chuck Norris... he was later murdered.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, music
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar
Wolverine has been called indestructible because of his adamantium skeleton... until Chuck Norris broke every bone in his body.
Vote:
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
<<<668669670671
More jokes →
Page 668 of 1391.