No! You don't have "Bad luck". You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
Two women are digging in the garden. One pulls out a foot-long carrot. She says, "This one reminds me of my husband." The second woman says, "Your husband's is that long?" "No that dirty."
My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop. Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk. The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop." The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?" The little boy again said, "No Bishop." The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?" The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.