Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't fit in this joke.
Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow.
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river. The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns. The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns. The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says: "I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."