Best jokes ever

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Vote: has 63.43 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
I'm not racist, some of my best slaves are black.
Vote: has 63.42 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, racist
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Vote: has 63.41 % from 253 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors: "I ain't had no fun in months" "Now, how should I correct this sentence." "Get a new boyfriend," said Little Johnny.
Vote: has 63.38 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy? Cop: No. Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?' Cop: I guess you could... Me: Goodnight, officer
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, dirty
I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine." But I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mexican, racist, technology
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him. ‘Hello,’ he says. ‘Do you speak English?’ ‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman. ‘How much?’ asks the man. The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex
Why did the nigger walks into a bar? The cell door was still locked.
Vote: has 63.32 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: racist


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