Yo mama is so fake even China denied that they made her.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist?
A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!
Me: Yeah that was me
Gmail: No it was on another device!
Me: Yes my tablet
Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!
Me: What? No!
Gmail: Call the police
Two men are having a drink together.
One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married.
What about you?’
‘I don’t know,’ says the other.
‘What was her maiden name?’
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident.
He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions.
He looks like a mummy.
John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding.
Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
Q: What do a gang member and a redneck have in common?
A: They both know how to throw a good hoe down.
Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.
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