There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients do when they have a check to write. "Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her mine.
"Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag, and proceeded to pay in cash.
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It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.
(The Fast and The Furious)
It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%.
Passing's passing.
What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs?
He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.
Mom! I'm a 3D printer!
Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
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What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"
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Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia."
Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"
Boy: "Do you like parties?"
Girl: "Yes, why?"
Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery.
It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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