Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
There was a boy watching tv with his parents.
A sex scene comes on.
The boy asks what the people are doing.
The mom said "they were just making a cake."
The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
Q: What did the prick say to the balls?
A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"
1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. Because I just love hearing this question.
4. Just lucky, I guess.
5. It gives my mother something to live for.
6. My fiancé is awaiting his/her parole.
7. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
8. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
9. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
10. It didn't seem worth a blood test.
11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
13. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
14. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
16. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
18. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
19. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
20. Why aren't you thin?
21. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
22. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
Vote:
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.
Vote:
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
Vote: