There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went to the nearest Mercedes showroom with a pocketful of dollars, and came out with the latest model.
Half an hour later she was back at the showroom, claiming a that the car they sold her was terrible, that she was disappointed a brand-new Mercedes would get a fault in the gearbox after 15 minutes.
The management apologized and gave her a new car.
Again, after half an hour she came back.
The management offered her a new car, but sent along one of their engineers to see if they could figure out what the problem was.
She put in the first gear...speed up...put in second...third...fourth...fifth...
“And now,” she said, “for the rocket,” and threw it in reverse.
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I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
When I was a kid, my Chuck Norris action figure broke all my other toys while I was at school.
When my mom tried to throw him away, he killed her.
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Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.
You might be a redneck if your mother carries a lug nut wrench for a toothpick.
Rules of fighting:
1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
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Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."