What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one. 
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't fit in this joke.
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river.
The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns.
The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns.
The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says: "I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car.
When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
He said "It's O.J. again. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire!
We are going car to car collecting donations."
"Donations!" I said, "How much you got so far?"
He said "about ten gallons."
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
Vote:
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide?
He didn't even leave a note.
Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.
Vote:
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.