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Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
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How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
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A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
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Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
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Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does!
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Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens? A: A meowntain.
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