Chuck Norris once pushed a door that said,"pull."
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Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A:Right where you left him.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
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A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter.
After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs."
Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone."
The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving.
He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
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Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!