Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is bloody low down"
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Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?
Her husband was a blonde too!
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving.
He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.
You might be a redneck if your mother carries a lug nut wrench for a toothpick.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.