What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Vote:
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
Chuck Norris once walked into my house and I was fined for trespassing.
Vote:
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
Vote:
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune.
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?
A. Wheeeee.
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her.
He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"