Best jokes ever

Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain." The women laugh and continue up to the second floor. The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain." Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor. "All men here are short and handsome." The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome." This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor. They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: For fingering a minor.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: music, prison, teacher, vulgar
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, mexican, racist
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor. "I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear." "What about the other ear and your hand?" "I tried to call for an ambulance."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, relationship, time, wife
Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them is pulling nails from his jar and if they face him, he throws them away. The other blonde asks what he's doing. "Duh. I'm throwing away the defective ones." "No, stupid! Those are for the other side of the roof."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, ugly, Yo mama
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, old people