Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
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Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freemans life
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1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."
A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor.
He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house.
When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What is you gypsy eh?"
The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!"
"No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again.
"Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!"
"What are you saying you stupid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage.
Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What do you want again eh?" doctor says
"I am “better” than you!"
"Why is that eh?" doctor says.
"We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says.
"I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says.
"Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,
000.
Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question.
He inquired, “What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?”
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know.
Jimmy raised his hand and said, “I know! The pupil of the eye.”
The teacher replied, “Yes, very good Jimmy.”
The the teacher turned to Jane and said, “Jane I have three things to say to you: One -- you have a very dirty mind.
Two -- you haven't been studying hard enough. And three -- you're going to be very disappointed!”
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!