Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…"
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.