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Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
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Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
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What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
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Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
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James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
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Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
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Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
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Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?" "Let us spray!" replied the other.
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