For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God!
Help me, help me!’
His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting!
I’m melting…!’
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Vote:
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole?
A: Divorced.
Yo Mama so old...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.