Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute."
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut."
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
Chuck Norris once went skydiving but promised never to do it again.
One Grand Canyon is enough.
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My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?"
"Because theres to many cheetahs."
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!"
"What medicine?"
"To get another look...!"
Why are guys like microwavable meals?
They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.
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