Q: Do you know the most favourite play of gays?
A: Romeo and Julius.
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?"
Husband: "Yeah... Why?"
Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God!
Help me, help me!’
His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting!
I’m melting…!’
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole?
A: Divorced.