Don King once had straight hair, until that day he saw Chuck Norris' eyes staring him down.
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Once upon a time, Chuck Norris moved a Mack truck out of his way. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Yo momma so poor... The building society repossessed her cardboard box.
Big Brother isn't watching you. Chuck Norris is watching you!
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant? He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.
Chuck Norris can stop the music.
Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
What is the definition of "derange"? De place where de cowboys ride.