‘Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.’
Jay Leno
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God!
Help me, help me!’
His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting!
I’m melting…!’
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole?
A: Divorced.
Yo Mama so old...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.
How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
A creature that stinks to high heaven.
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.