Bears only poop in the woods when Chuck Norris says its ok..
Vote:
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says.
"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
Chuck Norris round house kicked the xbox and made the xbox 360.
Vote:
How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
A boy asks his mother for breakfast.
She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today."
So he kicks the chicken.
He does the same with the cow and the pig.
The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry.
His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat.
The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes
Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?
‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe.’
Jackie Mason
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.