When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole?
A: Divorced.
Yo Mama so old...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the s**t out of you.
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.
One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing?
I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before.
What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
‘Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.’
Jay Leno
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.