You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, the tide wouldn't even take her out.
Yo mama so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.