Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
Vote:
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Vote:
There was a boy and his mother was about to go to work.
She said, "Do not open the door for nobody".
The boy said, "Okay."
So after the mother left a girl came to their house and she said to the boy, "Let me in."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow”"
So the girl went to the window and started knocking on it.
Once again she said, "Let me in."
The boy finally gave up and let her in.
So once she got in she said, "Let’s go upstairs."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow."
The girl kept asking him so he finally gave up.
When his mama came into his room she said, "Get off that girl."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow!"
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
Yo' Mama is like a campfire: everyone gets to stick their wiener in.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Yo mamma is so fat that she's a call of duty map!
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.