‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’
Spike Milligan
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Q: How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
A: She drowned during the wave.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she not only got hit with the ugly stick, she must have got lost in an ugly forest.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Justin Bieber has Chuck Norris fever!
Vote:
Nietzsche's book was originally called Also Sparch Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my fodder in there?"
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.