The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day. The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language. The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam." When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls." Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
Yo mama's so fat when people look at her they instantly got cancer and type two diabetes
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