Best jokes ever

‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?" "No..." "Inheritance."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: IT
Yo Mama so old... She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Your momma so fat... When she crosses the street, cars look out for yo momma.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: men
<<<703704705706
More jokes →
Page 703 of 1429.