Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
Vote:
I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.
Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections?
A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!
Vote:
There are 4 guys in a car, 1 from Iowa,1 from Wisconsin, 1 from Florida, and 1 from Illinois.
The guy from Florida says "I’m tired of seeing oranges everyday" so he throws some oranges out the window.
So then the guy from Iowa says "I’m tired of seeing Corn everyday" so he throws some corn out the window.
The guy from Wisconsin is very inspired so he opens the door and pushs the guy from Illinois out of the car!
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex?
A: Let her catch you doing it.
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
Vote:
Q: How do 5 gay men walk?
A: One Direction!
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Q: How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
A: She drowned during the wave.