A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo.
After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk.
"Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks.
The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf.
"I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says.
The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive."
"Oh that's fine," she says.
The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder.
"$500" he says.
"Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect."
The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store.
The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?"
"No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
Chuck Norris' feet are so fast, he can kick you in the past.
The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear steel toes, his toes already are.
While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did.
I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said;
"See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them."
I replied, "Yes."
"Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."