A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Chuck Norris often walks on Bikini Atoll during tests to get a tan.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
Chuck Norris once shaved his beard. People now call it Bigfoot.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
When Chuck Norris talks, people listen. When he doesn't, people still listen.
getting ready to stone a prostitute that had been caught in the act. Jesus said, "Let the first stone be thrown by someone who has never sinned" Suddenly, a rock comes flying over the crowd. Jesus turned, looks and then comments. "Mother!!"
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