What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus?
A dead wringer.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to make a cameo appearence in "Full House" but he was let off because he wanted to rename the show "Roundhouse."
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
He only brought enough money for one beer though.
As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom.
Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom.
When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Chuck Norris wins Clue in one guess.
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An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence.
So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat.
He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?"
The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
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Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears.
Candyman ain't stupid.
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