Best jokes ever

A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
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Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
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More jokes about: sex, women
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
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More jokes about: men
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
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Chuck Norris' feet are so fast, he can kick you in the past.
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The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
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A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
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More jokes about: animal
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear steel toes, his toes already are.
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While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did. I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said; "See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them." I replied, "Yes." "Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
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More jokes about: old people, weather


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