Best jokes ever

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, hunting, money
Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Vote: has 60.55 % from 193 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
Vote: has 60.54 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, sex
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Vote: has 60.54 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy f*ck we can't fix that.''
Vote: has 60.50 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
Vote: has 60.49 % from 179 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar. He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey. How about you and me getting it on? I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’ The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’
Vote: has 60.41 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
Vote: has 60.40 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.
Vote: has 60.37 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, lesbian
"Knock, knock.Who's there?" very long pause... "Java."
Vote: has 60.36 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, knock-knock