How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
The following conversation took place in school. Teacher: "So we are all descended from Adam and Eve." Young kid: "My dad says we came from apes." Teacher: "That's probably true for your family Abdul."
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
Facebook had a dislike button, then Chuck Norris joined. Nobody dislikes Chuck Norris.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
Chuck Norris once shaved his beard. People now call it Bigfoot.
Yo mama so round and fat that she makes an eclipse with the sun.
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”