Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
Vote:
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Q: What are the hottest days during summer?
A: Sun-days
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Yo mamma is so fat that she's a call of duty map!
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears.
Candyman ain't stupid.
Vote:
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’.
I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."
The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on.
"If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."
The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"
The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."