Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: How does a blonde part her hair? A: By doing the splits.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."