Best jokes ever

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Now Homer", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost ?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Homer whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
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Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
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Yo' Mama's head is so big, she dreams in IMAX.
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It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning. (The Fast and The Furious) It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%. Passing's passing.
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Mum,can i dress a bra? No. Why not.I am 14 years old! How many times I will say you "no", Michael...
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Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
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Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
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Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island? A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either." The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?" The nine year old says "They’re for my four year old little brother." The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?" The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!"
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More jokes about: age, kids, technology