Teacher: "How much is half of 8?"
Little Johnny: "Up and down or across?"
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!"
Vote:
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
Vote:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenya.
Kenya who?
Keeeenya feeel the loooove tonight?
Vote:
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Vote:
At the gym:
Me: "What does this machine do?"
"Sir, that's a bench."
Me: "Perfect."
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road.
He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride.
A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?"
The black pastor snaps back.
The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision.
When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself.
He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one.
Ok wait I got 66 problems.
What concert costs only 45 cents?
50cent featuring Nickelback.