Chuck Norris once squeezed an M&M so hard that it turned into a Skittle.
Jason Bourne fought Chuck Norris but he can't remember because now he has amnesia.
Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Q: What do you call a buncha Blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Yo mama so stupid... she died of starvation in a grocery store.