Chuck Norris cut his scissors using his hair.
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Chuck Norris can drive a solar-powered car at night.
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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Chuck Norris thinks that anyone who can't survive cranial impact with a steam hammer simply isn't making an effort.
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Q:Where do you find giant snails?
A:On the ends of their fingers.
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
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Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other: "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says: "Ah! A talking muffin!"
Two women are digging in the garden.
One pulls out a foot-long carrot.
She says, "This one reminds me of my husband."
The second woman says, "Your husband's is that long?"
"No that dirty."
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...