How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police. They are used as bullet proof vests.
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
Why did satan die before judgment day, Chuck hated him.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
How do rabbits get to work? By rabbit transit.
Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.