If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
Why is a man different from a PC? You only have to tell the PC once.
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.