I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
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What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
"So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.
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Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals.
Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
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Q: How many Asian girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, 'cause they couldn't reach it.
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