Best jokes ever

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
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has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fish, marriage, phone, wife
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty
Chuck Norris destroyed all life in a place called Happy Valley. We know it today as Death Valley.
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, Chuck Norris
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, blonde, celebrity, death
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, sport
Old mathematicians never die - they just lose some of their functions.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: math
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian, game
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
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has 53.99 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: sex
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