The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with.
I dyed my hair!
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
Yo mama so fat and stupid, she went to a grocery store and tried to gamble at Butterball.
My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?"
I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."
He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"
I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
What''s the difference between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
At a straight rodeo everyone yells, "Ride that sucker"
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Chuck Norris once lapped his opponent...in a drag race.
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When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
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