Chuck Norris sleeps with his gun over his pillow.
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.
Yo' Mama is so dumb, if her brains were farts, there wouldn't be enough to stink.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Chuck Norris once squeezed an M&M so hard that it turned into a Skittle.
When Chuck Norris watches TV it changes the channel for him when he asks just out of fear.
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."