Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
Q: What do you call a group of 8 hobbits A: Hobbyte.
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Q: What do you call a buncha Blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?" She says, "Because it's started missing its period."