What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please.
"The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"Youre already out of your head."
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
Chuck Norris went on Man vs Wild once.
The Wild lost.
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Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.
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The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
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Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
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Chuck Norris dosn't need a gun, he points an says pow!
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