What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please.
"The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"Youre already out of your head."
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
Chuck Norris went on Man vs Wild once.
The Wild lost.
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Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.
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I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with.
I dyed my hair!
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
Yo mama so fat and stupid, she went to a grocery store and tried to gamble at Butterball.
Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
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