Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Chuck Norris went on Man vs Wild once.
The Wild lost.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.
Vote:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
Vote:
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Vote:
Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
Vote:
Chuck Norris dosn't need a gun, he points an says pow!
Vote:
Thundergun shot is a Chuck Norris sneeze.
Vote: