How much white out does Chuck Norris use?
Don't be silly - Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
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What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears.
There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
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Law of Gravity doesn't apply to Chuck Norris, he enforces it... with a round house kick.
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What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please.
"The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"Youre already out of your head."
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
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Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
What do you get when you mix a nigger and an octopus?
I don't know, but it picks the hell out of cotton
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