Best jokes ever

Gay translation I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head. He's kinda cute. I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue! He's not my type. He won't sleep with me. I miss you so much I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good. I had a wonderful time last night. Who the hell are you? Do you love me? I've done something stupid and you might find out. Do you 'really' love me? I've done something stupid and you're going to find out. I'll give you a call. I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again. I've been thinking a lot. You're not as attractive as when I was drunk. I think we should just be friends. You're ugly. I've learned a lot from you. Next!!!!
Vote: has 56.07 % from 204 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, gay, love, masturbation, ugly
Why do so many gays have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.
Vote: has 56.07 % from 160 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay
Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A: She was lacking vitamin D.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, lesbian
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
"Have you heard my knock-knock joke?" asked the blonde. "No," said the brunette. "Okay," said the blonde, "you start."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, knock-knock, stupid
Dear Chuck Norris, Could you please close the door of your refrigerator. Thank you, Europe
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it? A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
Vote: has 56.02 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, driving, women
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
Vote: has 55.94 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, marriage, sex, wedding
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Vote: has 55.87 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship, Valentines day