Q: What's the easiest way to a persons heart? A: Chuck Norris' fist
Chuck Norris beat a black hole in a tug of war.
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
There are only two kinds of computer. The latest model, and the obsolete.
May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants. So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader. Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says "This is the last time I ask earthling!" Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker". Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM! A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away. As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?" The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Kobe Bryant wears the number 24 to remind himself about how many seconds he has to hog the ball.
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!