Chuck Norris can block Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account.
How many blondes does it take to milk a cow? Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
Global warming is the result of Chuck Norris getting mad.
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
If you weigh 78kg on earth you will weigh 13kg on the moon. If Chuck Norris weighs 78kg on earth, the moon weighs 13kg on Chuck Norris.
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim " at Yale." "That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell.