Best jokes ever

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
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has 53.48 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: drunk, god, husband, marriage
Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
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has 53.48 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, money, wife, women
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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has 53.46 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
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has 53.44 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What is the point of Jewish football? A: To get the quarter back
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has 53.44 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor, football, jewish, morbid
A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me." Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me." The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
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has 53.37 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
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has 53.37 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: marriage
One day Chuck Norris wanted to make a prank to whole world. So Justin Bieber was created.
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has 53.36 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.
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has 53.35 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
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has 53.35 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: sex
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