The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Johnny.
Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said.
"Three," replied little Johnny.
"Very good.
What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Six," answered little Johnny.
"Excellent.
Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.
Me: What's that hunny?
Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.
Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
What did God say when he made the first niggers?
Oops! Burnt another one!
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?"
Husband: "Yeah... Why?"
Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?"
"Neither, I'm a Jew."
"But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
A Gujarati Funeral…
A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US.
It was sent by one of the Daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha,
I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India.
Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids.
Please divide these among all of you.
Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons.
Hope the sizes are correct!
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts.
The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for.
Please take it.
The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews.
Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally.
Yours loving sister, Anubhavi
P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.