Chuck Norris CAN read Lady Gaga's poker face.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
I got stopped by a police officer on the way here. He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.
Yo mama so ugly when she tried to flirt her face went inside out.
Your mama so dumb she thought the shoes Vans are actually vans.
Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.