Never tell Chuck Norris he lost the game because he will make you lose the game then roundhouse kick you in the face making you lose twice.
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can cause time travel.
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
What is the fiercest flower in the garden? The tiger lily.
Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician. A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female. The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?” Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful." The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you! I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur. Be careful.’”
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!