Best jokes ever

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
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More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Ramu: "The moon". Teacher: "Why?" Ramu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
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More jokes about: school, teacher
"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber." Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."
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More jokes about: sex
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ? In both cases you really dont want to look down !
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More jokes about: dirty
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
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More jokes about: celebrity, military, sex, wife
Why shouldn't white people go swimming? Because crackers get soggy when wet.
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More jokes about: racist
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
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More jokes about: Christmas, Yo mama
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
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More jokes about: fart, kids, little Johnny, school, teacher
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
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More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
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More jokes about: alcohol