There was no volcanic eruption in Iceland - Chuck Norris opened the BBQ season.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
Yo mama's so fat, when someone drove by her they said "Wow, whales can walk!"
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A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
How do you get a Jewish girl's number? You pull up her sleeve.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics? A: Having two legs.
Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan? A: Antique air conditioner.
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."