Best jokes ever

A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s on a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s playing golf today.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’
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More jokes about: lawyer
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.
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More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
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More jokes about: alcohol
Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere.I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done." "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity." O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
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More jokes about: alcohol
Lady goes to her doc. "Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm farting and farting. The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type. The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
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More jokes about: women
I could have been your daddy, but the line was too long.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
Your mama's so stupid she tripped over a line on a basketball court.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Yo' Mama is so fat, her shadow is used for the witness protection program.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
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More jokes about: animal, death