If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
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Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?
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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants?
So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.
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A blonde finds a lamp with a genie inside.
He says, "I will grant you three wishes."
The blonde says, "For my first wish, I want my love handles to disappear."
The genie replies, "Your wish is my command."
Suddenly, the blonde exclaims, "Holy sh*t! What did you do with my ears?"
When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
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Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.
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A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"