A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"That will be one ruble," says the bartender.
"One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!"
"Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika."
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."
Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady!
Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am.
I'm real flattered.
Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
Vote:
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
Black Holes are places where parallel universes are hiding from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
Vote:
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.