The president of the USA lives in the White House. Chuck Norris lives in the Roundhouse.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
When Chuck Norris was in kindergarden he made his teacher spit out her gum.
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying. A nurse asks her what's the problem. She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated? A: "Oh balls."
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.