A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
Your momma is so ugly when she look in the mirror it shattered.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar. One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished. He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop. The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the penis with a bottle. The first drunk shouts, ‘Hit it again! It just bit me!’
The president of the USA lives in the White House. Chuck Norris lives in the Roundhouse.