Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
As a child, I was afreid of ghosts.
As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.
What do you get if you cross a Kindle with an Apple iPhone 4S?
4Skin.
Imagine, there are on the bus only 5 persons:
A busman, an old woman, two younger women and one man.
The old woman comes to the busman and tells him: "Dear busman, would you like to eat a few hazelnuts?"
The busman says: "Yes, why not?"
He takes the hazelnuts from her hand and eats them.
This repeats even two times, but when the old woman offers other hazelnuts to the busman for the fourth time, the busman asks this old woman:
"Madame, where do you take all these hazelnuts from? It is a real amount and I am already full."
The old woman only says: "You know, dear busman, I have bought the chocolate with hazelnuts, the hazelnuts are very hard for my dental plate, so I have sucked them all out, brought it to you and you have already eaten them all."
A first-grade teacher can't
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl.
"It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"
"Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.
"Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"
"Then I'd be a football fan."
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.
She wanted to see the Capitol building.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”
The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It’ll take you right there.”
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?”
The blonde replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now.
The 45th bus just went by!”
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.
To be or not to be?
That is the question.
The answer?
Chuck Norris.