Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
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A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Armageddon is defined as the day Chuck Norris gets bored with us.
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If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.
Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
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Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?
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A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants?
So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.
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