A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body.
The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her.
Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town."
"So did I..."
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
Vote:
A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood.
Police are still hunting for the clots.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.