Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"? To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek? A: Marco Polo.