A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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Yo mama's so fat, when someone drove by her they said "Wow, whales can walk!"
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Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
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Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
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Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote:
"There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works."
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself?
A: Because nobody understood him.