Someone just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans.
I said "Fuck that, with my luck I'd probably win one."
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Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals.
Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freemans life
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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir.
But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs.
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One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage.
"Well," his friend says, "you can always have an affair."
"I can't do that! I will always be faithful to her." the troubled man replies.
"If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won't be cheating."
The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement.
"Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage.
Believe me, I already tried it."
One day Chuck Norris wanted to make a prank to whole world.
So Justin Bieber was created.
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Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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