Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
Vote:
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
Vote:
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.
Except Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
Two guys are out hunting deer...
The first guy says, "Did you see that?...pointing to the sky."
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind?
There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!"
"Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
This time pointing behind them.
By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.
The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed."
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’
Groucho Marx