Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying. A nurse asks her what's the problem. She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?" Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?" Jack: "Prontosaurus."
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.