Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
Chuck Norris' driver's license simply shows his shoe size.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.