So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Seth: "Why is basketball the messiest Olympic sport?" Will: "I don't know." Seth: "Because the players dribble all over the court!"
Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!