Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Vote:
When Chuck Norris enters a sauna the sauna starts sweating.
Vote:
Yo mama so ugly, she's the reason Mario jumps high.
Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Vote:
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
Vote:
A biker walks into a gay bar and sits down to have a drink when a guy walks up to him and asks "hey biker you ever played barroom football"?
"What are you talking about" the biker replies.
"You know you guzzle a beer down that's the touchdown then pull your pants down and bend over and if you can fart the kicks well."
The gay guy goes first to demonstrate.
The biker states "I can do that and even better."
He chugs the beer, slams the bottle, stands up pulls his pants down bends over to fart the gay guy jumps behind him and shouts "blocked that kick".
Chuck Norris doesn't flirt all he says is NOW.
Vote:
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom.
Because he never f*cks up.
Vote:
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Vote: