A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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An old woman goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
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The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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Q:Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven?
A:Because seven ate nine.
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse.
No mortal man has ever earned it.
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The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
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