Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse.
No mortal man has ever earned it.
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The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
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Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick.
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A man and his wife shower together.
The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me."
Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me."
The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
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